Was I Wrong to Marry Young?

For the last few weeks I have seen multiple articles and blogs about young marriage. Many of them talk of the struggles a young couple face when marrying young, and the way they each grow with one another. I find joy in reading the success stories of others and how they can find happiness in difficult times. I too got married young. We weren't high school sweethearts or anything wild, we just met in a casual setting, and had extraordinary results!

I met Shelby on the 4th of July, 2011; and I sat playing the piano as she walked through the door. I of course thought I would blow her away, melt her heart, and every other cliche thought an overly confident guy could have. But in fact I was the one who was the recipient of all of those. Shelby was stunning! I instantly knew I liked her, and we had such a unique connection I could feel. Granted, part of that "connection" was due to me eating a starburst off her tongue within hours of meeting her, but that's not the point. What Shelby made me feel was more real than I had ever felt before.

We would go on to become "official" by the end of July, and we continued dating for over two years! We learned so much together, and shared countless memories. On October 31st of 2013, I did something I never thought I would have the courage to do. I took Shelby back to Ensign Peak, [the place we first went the day we met] got down on one knee, and asked my best friend to become my Eternal Companion! My heart had fainted from excitement, and by the time I was rubbing my knee through the dirt and rocks, I think my heart had just stopped beating all together. Shelby said Yes, and the rest was history....... or so I thought.

We made the decision to wait for nearly a year to get married because my best friend, and best man Ben was serving his mission, and wouldn't return until early September 2014. We set our wedding date for September 27th, and told all our friends to "Save the Date!". After tons of planning, creating, decorating, errands, and pure chaos, we finally made it. Shelby and I went through the Oquirrh Mountain temple to take out our endowments, and were Sealed for Time and All Eternity in the Salt Lake City Temple. We did it! We accomplished a goal we each had, and we were on our way to, and through, Eternity together! I remember just utter bliss. Complete and total peace. I married the girl of my dreams, and I did it the right way, in the Temple of the Lord. I didn't need anything else. My life was complete, and nothing could bring me down.

Now we could start planning our future together; where would we live, when would we have kids, who were WE going to be?? It was all so exciting, and I felt like I was finally ready to settle down, and start to "grow up" with Shelby. We quickly learned there was a lot more to marriage, and life, than what Pinterest tells you. [stupid Pinterest, you lie]
Marriage was hard.. Like WAY hard!! Learning to live with someone is weird enough, but learning to live with a woman is just plain impossible! [And is it seriously possible to get so much hair in the drain, and not be bald!?]
Suddenly we had to budget our money, become experts on insurance, and learn about a million terms that I had never heard before. Premiums, deductibles, what the what!? Cooking seemed to become more of a rare gem in our home, and most the fast food restaurants became our best friends. Was this really the "married life" everyone spoke of in all those blogs I read? Was it really so incredible to get Chick-fil-A, and watch Netflix every night? I loved it though, because I was spending that time with Shelby, my incredible wife! Even as life got more stressful, and we got less exciting as a couple, I still loved every minute of it.

As the months went on though, Shelby and I started to become more distant. She spent more time at work, coming home later in the night, and a lot of the time I was already in bed, fast asleep. Emotionally, I felt a massive absence between us. Things had changed somewhere along the line, and I didn't realize it until I found out.... 
Shelby had been contemplating getting a divorce with me. Yeah, that scary D word that us Mormons don't like to talk about. Things weren't going the way she'd expected, and we were both still really young! She had a ton of life she didn't get to live and experience. I took that away from her in a way. She had come from high school, to meeting me, and getting into a serious relationship that resulted in marriage. I can imagine her fright at seeing our less-than-perfect life together, and thinking, "Oh no.... what have I done?"

The next few weeks were a blur. A complete blur, yet entirely crystal clear at the same time. My body went into a hyper-aware state, where everything had such an incredible affect on me. I remember bursting into tears and just bawling, so much so that my legs simply wouldn't work, and as I collapsed and sobbed on the floor, I felt every muscle in my body just stop, as if everything was being put on hold so my heart could pump efficiently enough to keep me alive. Fights became a norm, confusion filled my head, and I felt more empty than I knew was possible.

Why had God let this happen to us? We did everything the right way! We followed his counsel, and listened to his guidance as best we could! I was furious with God. How could some guy that claimed to be perfect be such a jerk-off!? I thought if I Chose The Right, I would get blessings, and everything would just be okay. What the heck was his idea of "okay"?

I remember the night I told my parents about Shelby and I's decision. I went to their house, hysterical, at maybe one in the morning. I woke them up, and brought them to the living room to break the news. My Dad, who also had been divorced and was now remarried, just lost it... My Dad cries often; he's a sensitive guy bless his heart. But this night, he cried differently. We stood there and hugged for what seemed like hours, just crying into each other's shoulders. My Mom was sobbing too. I remember just feeling so weak and exhausted because my body had hurt so much, and I had cried for so long..

I finally, through lots of prayer, and even more answers, began to forgive God. I continued to go to church, and tried my hardest to listen to what all my family and friends were telling me. God doesn't put trials in our path to break us down, but to build us up. My attitude slowly turned from hatred and blame towards God, to friendship, and love for God. My friends became more inspired than they will ever know. They were literally the mouthpieces for God to tell me what he wanted me to know. Support came flooding in, and people I had never met before were sending me encouraging messages of hope.

I learned that sometimes our burdens weigh us down so much, and we feel stuck, but it's with the weight of our burdens, that we gain the traction necessary to get un-stuck, and to progress.

I married young. And I found an Eternal Companion to spend my life with. Things didn't turn out like the fairytale I read about. However I recognize that we are given agency, and I don't get to control anyone's choices but my own. This has been the most difficult thing I have ever been through. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, this has been an immensely challenging trial for me. One that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet, I wouldn't trade this experience. I don't regret choosing to marry Shelby. I do, and always will love Shelby eternally. She was placed in my life for many specific reasons. Through Shelby, and through this experience, I am growing so much closer to God. I see his hand in my life more now than when I thought I had everything I needed. I find myself learning more about myself as a man, as a husband, and as a future father. I see myself grow each day, and I can honestly say I am a better person through this than I was when I started. I find myself filled with more love and compassion towards others. I feel so much more love towards Shelby. It's a different kind of love. It's hard to put into words, but in a way, I feel how I think the Savior might feel towards us. I want the best for her, and I want to see her succeed, and find happiness, even if that means it's not with me.

My life is changing constantly. I am always finding new things to be grateful for. I find beauty in the small things, and I look forward to them. Marrying young didn't work out the way I expected, but I couldn't have ever imagined how much I would grow and cherish the way it has gone, and I am forever grateful for the experience. I can't wait to see what my future has in store for me.